Max, Mayor, and I had a good talk the other night about recent events. Apparently, if we had any connection, it would have been Max. But as it goes, the connection is mostly damage control now.
Some of he things Max told me made me sadder than hurt or angry. It seems she had had a similar traunatic experience with someone else before and was afraid that it's happening again. I understand that now but I had no way of knowing, did I? I just hope that whoever that is did to himself all the bad things that she was afraid I was going to do to myself. I hope he's dead and his body is rotting in unhallowed ground.
But the narrative doesn't end there. I have been very honest about everything. Yet, she says that I stalk her. I can own up to the creepiness of all of this. Heck, I've even written about it in A Delicate Situation (such a nice pun, that: deli-cate) when I was just starting to write for writing's sake. I have never stalked her. I've always stood there at the pantry, staring at the spaces between the bar and the comfort rooms. And if there is any doubt about this, the CCTV footages from before December will prove it.
It doesn't matter now. I had been prepared to accept that this has gone as far as this will go. But when Max told me that she has made omissions in her narrative and would not admit to having made one very important conversation with me, I feel that I need to set the record straight.
It was on 1st March at around 9PM, that night when I first went out with my coworkers, which I talked about in Friday Night Out. I asked her if she felt uncomfortable about any of the things that I was doing. She told me, she was but only at first, that it was only an initial reaction. Midnight, I logged off and went to the darts area by the pantry to wait for my coworkers. She should have gone home by then but there she emerged from the corner and we smiled at each other. And I took it then that we were alright. The CCTV footage, if there is indeed any, will support this.
I would never intentionally put anyone in a delicate position. She has her history. I have mine. And mine taught me to respect boundaries even if I allow myself to push them.
She was wrong to be aftaid about me hurting myself. She has been doing that to me for a while now. And while I've never fallen short in complaing, I have never taken it against her. I've always relented and accepted what came.
At the end of the conversation between Max, Mayor, and myself, Mayor gave me some advice on how I may go about my days. He told me that, given that I can accept that I no longer have goals regarding this matter, I should continue being who I am and doing what I do. I shouldn't change just to try to make her comfortable. That if I had anything to write, I should just write. That if I wanted to be at the places where I wanted to be I should just be there. And if what I write and post make her uncomfortable, if the sight of me makes her uncomfortable, it's her problem and not mine. If she truly values her comfort and her sanity, she shouldn't go to places where she will lose them.
And justice for all... including myself.